pocketterrorist:

strugglingtobeheard:

thickboyswag:

WERKKKKKKK

yo i want the full song tho lol, yes

yooooooo. she’s gettin’ it.

oreo:

See how food innovator Michael Voltaggio’s Fanatic Hack flips the script on game time chips.

zooophagous:

boujhetto:




Man’s best friend

I like how he picks him up and is all, “There you go!”

fucked his shit up

LMMFAOOOOO

He just puts him over the counter all “Yeah that’s right Sparky you fuck his shit up”

zooophagous:

boujhetto:

Man’s best friend

I like how he picks him up and is all, “There you go!”

fucked his shit up

LMMFAOOOOO

He just puts him over the counter all “Yeah that’s right Sparky you fuck his shit up”

(Source: zennmaister)

(Source: homolesbians)

tyleroakley:

beyonceish:

N EV ER FUCKNI N FOR GET 

?????

caskettissherlockingthetardis:

skwinky:

lntruding:

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.


UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

I always need this on my blog.

This is beautiful

porkskins:

seeing an old person cry is the equivalent of having 1000 daggers stabbed into your heart

itscherryamber:

amurrrka:

peace-love-sex-music:

STOP SAYING A VAGINA IS LOOSE BECAUSE OF A LOT OF SEX.

VAGINAS ALWAYS SHRINK TO THEIR USUAL TIGHTNESS AFTER SEX.

PENISES DO NOT STRETCH THEM OUT OF SHAPE AT ALL

THE VAGINA IS A REALLY STRONG MUSCLE NOT A FLABBY PIECE OF SKIN

WHEN A DUDE BRAGS ABOUT HOW TIGHT A VAGINA WAS

HE’S LITERALLY BRAGGING ABOUT HOW HE COULDN’T GET HIS PARTNER AROUSED.

WOW 4 FOR YOU, BOY.

Spread the word! Maybe one or two boys might actually get it.

yarrahs-life:

Where are the lies boo? Where?

(Source: stefdelima)

i-am-the-sassysquatch:

mr-egbutt:

demonhunting:

officialannakendrick:

could you please put your crying kid on vibrate

I CANT STOP LAUGHING BC I JUST IMAGINE THIS KID SCREAMING ANDTHE MOM PULLS A REMOTE OUT OF HER MOM-BAG AND PRESSES A BUTTON AND THE CHILD JUST STARTS TO VIOLENTLY SHAKE AND THE LOOK OR TERROR ON THE KID’S FACE AS THEY TRY TO MAKE NOISE BUT THEY JUST VIBRATE DEAR GOD

This post got better

(Source: dutchster)

memewhore:

sean3116:

sixpenceee:

As someone who wants to study the human consciousness I found this very interesting.
Scott Routley was a “vegetable”. A car accident seriously injured both sides of his brain, and for 12 years, he was completely unresponsive.
Unable to speak or track people with his eyes, it seemed that Routley was unaware of his surroundings, and doctors assumed he was lost in limbo. They were wrong.
In 2012, Professor Adrian Owen decided to run tests on comatose patients like Scott Routley. Curious if some “vegetables” were actually conscious, Owen put Routley in an fMRI and told him to imagine walking through his home. Suddenly, the brain scan showed activity. Routley not only heard Owen, he was responding. 
Next, the two worked out a code. Owen asked a series of “yes or no” questions, and if the answer was “yes,” Routley thought about walking around his house. If the answer was “no,” Routley thought about playing tennis. 
These different actions showed activity different parts of the brain. Owen started off with easy questions like, “Is the sky blue?” However, they changed medical science when Owen asked, “Are you in pain?” and Routley answered, “No.” It was the first time a comatose patient with serious brain damage had let doctors know about his condition.
While Scott Routley is still trapped in his body, he finally has a way to reach out to the people around him. This finding has huge implications.
SOURCE

HOLY STEAMING SHITFUCKS
WHY IS EVERYONE NOT LOSING THEIR SHIT ABOUT THIS

What a fucking nightmare, just kill me.

memewhore:

sean3116:

sixpenceee:

As someone who wants to study the human consciousness I found this very interesting.

Scott Routley was a “vegetable”. A car accident seriously injured both sides of his brain, and for 12 years, he was completely unresponsive.

Unable to speak or track people with his eyes, it seemed that Routley was unaware of his surroundings, and doctors assumed he was lost in limbo. They were wrong.

In 2012, Professor Adrian Owen decided to run tests on comatose patients like Scott Routley. Curious if some “vegetables” were actually conscious, Owen put Routley in an fMRI and told him to imagine walking through his home. Suddenly, the brain scan showed activity. Routley not only heard Owen, he was responding.

Next, the two worked out a code. Owen asked a series of “yes or no” questions, and if the answer was “yes,” Routley thought about walking around his house. If the answer was “no,” Routley thought about playing tennis.

These different actions showed activity different parts of the brain. Owen started off with easy questions like, “Is the sky blue?” However, they changed medical science when Owen asked, “Are you in pain?” and Routley answered, “No.” It was the first time a comatose patient with serious brain damage had let doctors know about his condition.

While Scott Routley is still trapped in his body, he finally has a way to reach out to the people around him. This finding has huge implications.

SOURCE

HOLY STEAMING SHITFUCKS

WHY IS EVERYONE NOT LOSING THEIR SHIT ABOUT THIS

What a fucking nightmare, just kill me.

triple6christgang:

clarknokent:

Bitch it’s 6 am, time for my fucking walk!

This dog would have gotten put down that same day.

triple6christgang:

clarknokent:

Bitch it’s 6 am, time for my fucking walk!

This dog would have gotten put down that same day.

(Source: lover-gem)

kravemychocolatekurves:

itzdeadpoolbxtch:

annehathawillannehathaway:

that’s what you get you dumb bitch

LMFAO

Cat said nope…you go!

(Source: ForGIFs.com)

sevenreasons:

A piece from my book More Myself. Available right now on Amazon. Check out the cover and synopsis here or on the amazon link.

sex-lesb:

disse tudo 

(Source: cosima-niehaus-324-b-21)